A Decade.

 

It has been a decade, ten years, since God made it clear our family story was adoption.

The years before that were confusing, lonely, and hard at times, but also a sweetness of growing closer to understanding the Lord and seeing our marriage relationship more and more braided together through each memory and experience.

Ten years ago, God lifted a veil, and Jason and I finally understood how God was going to use us, and what our purpose would be in His mission and ministry. The confusion led to purpose. The difficulty now had a goal. The loneliness disappeared as a community came around us to be a part of God’s mission with us.

I started this blog because I knew the story God was writing wasn’t just for Jason and I to learn from, but it was a story that might encourage others, might teach others, and might cause others to want to participate. I think it did those things at times, at least I hope so. But even more important than us, or our story, I wanted to point people to the ultimate story writer, Jesus.

Our adoption journey was saying yes to caring for the orphan, it was saying yes to going to the unreached for the Gospel, it was saying yes to a million unknowns once a child joins our family but even more, it was saying yes to Jesus that we trust Him and believe that He will work our every single detail and bring Himself the glory.

Over the years I shared so much about what God was teaching me, and this blog even became a great tool for others in what steps to take to adopt, or what timelines to expect. However, as we now have added two adopted children into our family, the blog posts aren’t as frequent. Life is busy, that’s for sure. But, most of what God is teaching and growing me in now is my kid’s stories, and those are personal, and are not mine to share. So, to protect our family, less is shared. But the lessons are still shaping me and growing me into Christ’s likeness every day.

So, while I protect our beautiful kids, I know it is helpful to share our adoption journey, and what I’ve learned through today.

Here are my big take-aways from a decade in the adoption world:

• Jesus loves orphans, and He commanded the Church to care for them
• Everyone in the church plays a role. Maybe respite for a foster family, maybe it’s meals for a single mother struggling to keep her kids at home, maybe it’s supplies to orphanages, or maybe it’s dying to what you expected and changing the life of one child by bringing them into your family.
• Put yourself in a child’s shoes who come from a hard place, and then rattle off all the excuses like the costs, the time commitment, the embarrassment when they struggle, the effort it’ll take to carry their burdens with them that they never should of had to endure…make sure your reasons have a solid foundation to say no to God on this. If they are solid, then find a way to care for these kids without directly bringing a child into your home. If your reasons aren't as good as you thought, talk to God about that and what He may have you do!
  
• Show yourself grace, these kids grace and educate others instead of criticizing them for not understanding. I was definitely ignorant of understanding any of this until we got placed into it! Kids from hard places will have behavior that gives you a glimpse into what their life was like before they met you. They can’t be fixed overnight, they need time, love and trust to heal. Although we do not have biological children, I just now, seven years into parenting adopted children, am getting confirmation from various professionals that things are a bit more challenging, for us at least, than raising biological children raised in a safe, loving home. And that’s OK, because God has equipped us for this. But grace, some days are not easy. Grace for others as you don’t know their story!
• God loves these kids more than we do. And we have witnessed God provide, protect, and grow these kids in ways that we can take no credit for…so as we were WOWed by what God did in our lives as we stepped out to adopt, we are now WOWed by seeing what He is doing in their lives.
• Last thing I’ve learned, every day I feel more experienced and more inadequate. We don’t have all the answers about adoption, or parenting…but we know our kids, the parenting and adoption mountains and valleys that go along with. And we know for certain that we are the best for them and they are the best for us. And we lack answers to their questions, their struggles, various diagnosis, and somehow my patience isn’t always perfect :) and I chose the wrong words at the wrong times…saved by grace but still in a broken world with broken emotions, pasts, selfish desires. My feelings of inadequacy every time I mess up or lack answers then lead me back to trust the same One who led us on this journey to start with…

And when I point my kids to that One, that’s when I’m reminded the purpose of the journey …. 

and what a beautiful journey it has been!

A few final pieces to share.

Adoptions have gone down significantly in the past decade, even before covid-19 road blocked so many programs and countries. Just imagine kids without a safe home and without a loving family, the need is great. At least in Thailand, the option for kids to be adopted within county is limited due to costs and few two-parent homes looking to adopt. The privilege of America provides us opportunities to serve these kids, in ways other nationalities cannot.

(adoption stats for intercountry specifically, at travel.state.gov)

• 2004 22,987 adoptions
• 2014 6,438 adoptions
• 2022 (latest year recorded) 1,517 adoptions

We watched ‘The Sound of Freedom’ a few weeks ago, and the reality of trafficking of children should open up all our eyes to see how much children need us to protect, defend and love them as our own. All throughout the world! I'd highly recommend watching it, be uncomfortable, and then do something about your convictions.

Finally, for anyone who has adopted, fostered or is around a child from a hard place…. I'd highly recommend you read “Securely Attached: How Understanding Childhood Trauma Will Transform Your Parenting” by Mike & Kritsin Berry. For starters, this book is our life, I couldn’t believe how much each chapter spoke to us. But it also changed our parenting and understanding of our kids, and other kids. I wish I would of read this years ago.

Reach out of you have questions about the Gospel, adoption, international adoption, or anything about our story. Only God knows all the incredible things He'll do in the next ten years!